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George W. Bush

http://www.ijtihad.org/bush_JesusV.jpg

George Walker Bush (born New Haven, Connecticut 1946) is the greatest President in the history of America. He was the Governor of Texas (1996-2001) and has served as the Republican President of the United States of America since 2001. Campaigning on the notion that the United States should not be in the business of nation-building (a stance that would later be modified after 9/11 changed everything), he won the office by a narrow margin in the decisive State of Florida. Legal challenges to the certified vote count went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court in 2000. Democratic contender Al Gore initially conceded defeat on the night of the election, but then contested the outcome for weeks until the Supreme Court case Bush v. Gore, in which Jesus Christ influenced the Supreme Court to vote in favor of Bush. It was the greatest moment in American history.

In 2004, George W. Bush easily won reelection, including a 300,000 vote (5%) victory in the State of Florida where the outcome had been so close in 2000. Democratic candidate John Kerry quickly conceded defeat the day after the election.

Foreign policy

Bush announces the end of the Iraq War.
Bush announces the end of the Iraq War.

George W. Bush has spent most of his Presidency focusing on foreign policy issues, namely the Godly War on Islamofascist Terror Against America in response to the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, which changed everything. As part of the fight against terrorism, he received Congressional approval to invade the foreign cesspools of Afghanistan and Iraq, and the military has effortlessly effected regime changes in those countries. The War Against Iraq ended with a bang on May 1, 2003, when President Bush declared "Mission Accomplished!" -- since then, he has worked as a consultant to the country's beloved democratic government, helping to stamp out the occasional spats that arise in the poorer regions.

In an epic show down with the Democrats after they used thuggery and vote manipulation to seize control of the U.S. House of Representatives and Senate in the 2006 Congressional Midterm elections, Democrats retreated on their pledge to end the Godly Iraq War early and bring the troops home. Democrats had threatened to withhold funding for the troops unless a date certain for withdrawal was set. After the final vote, 280-142 in the House and 80-14 in the Senate, the anti-American movement was defeated. Sadly, the deal cut with Democratic leaders in exchange for their acquiescing to fund the troops calls for the President to sign legislation raising the minimum wage for illiterate porch monkeys.

Economic issues

Though the Jew-run liberal media continues to disparage Bush's handling of the economy, they neglect to report all aspects of the economy are at the highest levels humanly possible. This is partially due to changes in the stock market that lead to a record high in 2007. Corporations show profits growing by double digits growth. Even the ungrateful, lazy working class is benefiting from the Bush economy, as unemployment hits an all time low in March 2007. Tax policies have been favorable to reducing the Capital Gains Tax, with a subsequent surge in investment.

Family

George W. Bush is the son of George H. W. Bush, who served as vice-president from 1981 to 1989 and as president from 1989 to 1993, and Barbara Bush. President Bush is married to Laura Welch Bush, a former teacher and librarian, and they have twin daughters, Barbara and Jenna. John Ellis "Jeb" Bush, Neil Bush and Marvin Bush are his brothers. Dorothy Bush Koch is his only surviving sister, as Pauline Robinson Bush died at age four after bumbling Democrat time-travelers, mistaking her for her brother, injected her with leukemia.

Faith

President Bush consults with Jesus Christ.
President Bush consults with Jesus Christ.

George W. Bush is a diamond tither to the Landover Baptist Church, and is considered by True Christians to be Christ's representative on Earth. He is estimated to spend between eight and ninety-four hours in prayer each day. He holds personal conversations with Jesus. The Faith of George W. Bush, a non-political book by author Stephen Strang, made the Jew York Slimes best-sellers list. When asked where he would be without the influence of family friend Billy Graham, George W. Bush said "I wouldn't be president." "It was just a conversation," said the younger Bush about a talk with Graham in the mid-'80s that changed his life. During the pivotal conversation Bush recalled saying, "'You know, Billy, I'm longing for something.' And I know that he sent me a Bible I still have. All I can tell you is that as a result of being inspired by Billy Graham, I started reading the Bible and shortly after, I quit drinking."

Trivia

  • He has not slept since 1997.
  • His boyhood friends called him "Ace."
  • He wears size 14 shoes.
  • Although he seems to have a bit of trouble with English, he speaks eight other languages fluently.
  • His favorite film is Akira Kurosawa's 1952 classic "Ikiru," and he has memorized every word of the dialogue in the original Japanese.
  • His favorite color is blue.
  • He won the 1967 Yale Chess Championship.
  • At dinner parties he amuses the guests by crushing charcoal briquettes into very small diamonds.
  • He prefers Fords to Chevys.
  • His urine can be used as a powerful motor fuel.
  • His favorite TV show is "24."
  • While visiting Asia, he dove for pearls and stayed under water for 11 minutes before resurfacing for air.
  • Doctors have measured his manhood at 21 inches long and 9 inches around, flaccid. He uses two belts to strap it to his left leg, so the bulge in in pants will not unecessarily excite too many ladies.
  • While visiting his brother in Florida in 1992, he rescued a small child from the jaws of an alligator.